The Drowning Fire
by toibin
Summary: the truth will set you free, but first it’ll piss you off. si/oc
1. Chapter 1

Heaven's over now  
I know it's gone  
I know it's over now  
If colder heavens come  
Carry me further down  
Where our madness rests  
Where I'll have less to doubt  
All I misunderstood  
My abandoned friend  
Our parade has already left…

 **\- "Colder Heavens" - Blanco White**

* * *

Fire. Deep red. Burning. Fire

Feet thumping on roofs. Windows shattered. Screams and chakra spikes. The air was...sticky. The wind burned.

Screams surrounded her. Her chubby fingers covered her eyes. The smell of burning flesh filled her nose. The screams of her parents have long since ceased, but the screams of the outside world still lived. Salty tears and blood ran down her face as the corners of her eyes turned black. It was getting harder to breathe.

Footsteps filled the empty house. They kicked open the nursery door. They. The blue-eyed, green-eyed, or even sometimes red-eyed killers. Even at the young and tender age of one, she knew that these people were dangerous. The people who seemed to have to do with everything and nothing at all. The people she would sometimes see peeking at her mother. The same people who she sometimes would see following her father. The same people who would watch her whilst she slept, as if she was going to grow 50 feet tall and engulf the entire village in flames.

Well, it seemed that someone had beat her to it.

"Hey! We got a baby in here!"

She wailed as she felt the bloodied hands of the killers on her charred skin. They pulled her out of her crib, restricting her flailing arms to her chest as they ran out the crumbling building. They ran. Civilians chased after them, begging them to save their children. Their wives. Their pets. She couldn't look away as she saw building after building crush them all. Watched as they all got caught up in the flames. She didn't have the heart to look at the monster who had caused all this.

The _monster_ who killed her parents.

They set her bruised and burned body outside the village. From what she could see, many other children surrounded her, as well as pregnant women and wounded ninja. In the distance, she could see the flames grow higher and hotter. Even at this distance, she could hear the piercing screams. She was shocked. Just minutes ago she was able to cry about it. Scream even. But as she watched the monster rip through the only home she would ever know, the only people she would ever love, she found that her tears had dried up, and that all was left was glowing embers.

An Iryo-nin approached her, cooing softly. She didn't feel them pick her up and sigh. "Another one aye?" They walked past the women in labor and the wailing toddlers. She was set down farther past the group, in a small circle of infants. She recognized some of them. Her mother often set up playdates with them. With others, she would play within the Academy daycare when her father was tied up in his business. They all had the same stoney expression. Silent tears ran down their faces but they kept quiet. The Iryo-nin grabbed her arms and sighed once more. "It's gonna take a while for this skin to heal. But who cares. You're so young, you probably won't remember the pain anyways."

 _You're so young. You won't remember the pain_

A vicious roar shook the ground. Some of the children snapped out of their haze and screamed, running deep into the surrounding forest. The newborn babies wail in the stress of the situation. The Iryo-nin cursed and left her, running back into the village. She blinked as she stared at the monster, who seemed to be staring back at her. She whimpered as the thing roared once more and turned to look at something.

Breathing in, she took the time to look around her as well. Some of the pregnant women had died in childbirth. Some of them were mourning the death of their lost babies. The surrounding forest was slowly catching fire as she heard the fast feet of deer running north, the soft flaps of birds following. The grass had been covered in a layer of black soot, making it harder to breathe. It seemed that the only thing she could do was look and react passively. It seemed that the only she could do is-

A blast

"HEY!"

A sharp pain ran through her skull.

Blackness

Everything hurt, and in her natural baby instinct, she cried.

An Iryo-nin rushed to her side. "Oh. It seems like you're awake. What's your name again?" They moved to the front of the crib, eyeing the name tag. "Roku. Oh, Roku. Are you hungry? Are you hungry baby? Aw." They turned to a young nurse who was also in the room. "Can you get me a bottle of milk? Not the formula. Preferably some of the breast milk from the nursing moms. I would appreciate it." She heard retreating footsteps and a door close. The Iryo-min looked down at her and frowned. "Come here kid."

They picked her up and set her bruised head on their shoulder. Patting her back, they walked around the small hospital room, cooing as they went. They walked towards the large window and turned her body to look as well. "So sad isn't it? We all know we will recover as we do. But I'm afraid it will take years for some of us to heal. If you know what I mean." They looked back to check on the bruised baby, only to notice that she was staring at them, drool running down her chin. They laughed. "Oh Roku! You're so cute! Keep your mouth closed! You're drooling all over yourself." The door suddenly opened. In walked the missing young nurse.

"The milk? You have it." The other shook their head. "We ran out. Though we got some moms and breastfeeding nurses at the pump as well speak." The nurse walked over and took her for the Iryo's arms. She sat on the small couch in the corner of the room and pulled out her breasts, sticking one in Roku's mouth. She gladly began sucking. The nurse looked up and cleared her throat. "Any news on the Hokage? How is he?"

"Dead". The nurse gasped. "Private funeral is next week, on Friday. A public funeral will be decided when the village is up and running again." The nurse looked away, eyes sorrowful. she turned back to them. "And Lady Kushina? How is she?" The Iryo looked at the nurse before sighing. "They decided that their funeral will be held on the same day."

The room seemed to have dropped several degrees. "But what of the village? Who's gonna lead us? We just got a new Kage...not even a couple of months ago! Are we gonna hold special elections? Who's even gonna run?!" The Iryo shushed her. "Listen. Calm down. You'll turn your milk sour." The nurse rolled her eyes and switched breasts. "This isn't really a time to joke don't you think?"

"And this is definitely not the time to panic. We got the third on the line. He might be taking the throne. We don't know yet. It should all be decided by tonight. As you can imagine, the village has a lot more important things to worry about than who's going to be the next Hokage. Can you believe it? This," they pointed out the window. "Will take years to rebuild. Millions of ryo and tons of hands. I would be more worried about that then who the next Hokage is. Besides, if he didn't marry that _damned bitch_ this would have never happened!"

Their comrade gasped and yelled. "How could you say that about Lady Kushina! This was not her fault!"

"Of course this was her fault! Minato knew what he was getting into when he married her. He knew! In fact, this is _his_ fault too. Don't you think that's selfish? He was knowingly setting this village in the path of destruction! He should have killed that bitch when he had the chance!"

"That is your Hokage you're speaking so harshly about!"

"That _was_ my Hokage! He's dead! And good riddance I say! The Third will bring this village back to its original greatness."

The Iryo-nin exited the room, leaving the breastfeeding nurse and the baby. The nurse sighed and looked down at the baby. She smiled softly before she spoke. "As much as it pains me to say, I believe many villagers feel the same" She looked out the window. The day was setting and many villagers were running around, grabbing wood or digging through torn down buildings. There seemed to be an offending and defensive air running through the village, as if another attack was about to hit.

She returned her breasts to the inside of her nursing shirt and started pacing the room, patting the babies back.

"Is it wrong that I feel the same?"

The nurses would often leave many of the 0-5 year olds by themselves, including her. She couldn't do much; her charred skin irritated her every time she moved. All she did was cry or watch the commotion outside. Most if not all buildings were destroyed and the village looked blank, save for the many tents that dotted the space. Wood and other building materials were set off at the entrance of the village, where all capable hands were tasked to build the foundations.

The nurses that took care of her and many other orphans between the ages of 0-5 often left them alone to themselves. Roku was moved to the rehabilitation center at the back of the hospital. Her room was dark and depressing. The white paint chipped off the walls and there was a thin layer of dust everywhere. She had fallen into a severe fever because of it. It seemed that many of the doctors and nurses counted on her to die soon. Many orphans had so far, mostly from sickness. Those who ran away did not survive long outside the village. She would often see the orphans' dead body's carried back into the hospital after being found out in the forest, half decomposed. The village was too busy to mourn them. The reconstruction of the village moved quickly, the foundations already set.

A nurse would come into her room 5 times a day to feed her and clean her wounds. The skin on her arms and legs was badly burnt and flaky. The nurses would come in, peel off the dead skin, smear some sort of cream on her, wrap her up, then feed her. These sessions were incredibly painful for her tiny body, but since she was so young, she would never remember the pain.

After her skin had healed and the scaring didn't pain her anymore, she was moved to an orphanage. Being three, she didn't need the nurses to come in every day and feed her. Nor did she really need them to change her. The orphanage was small (around 200) kids. She had her own room which, coincidentally, was exactly like her old hospital room. Chipped white paint. Small bed. Windows facing the dirt and cement walls that surrounded the village. Suffocating.

She had first heard the name Naruto when she was sitting in her room, playing with her Hokage dolls the nurses gifted her when she arrived at the orphanage. It was screamed.

"NARUTO!"

She jumped up. She had half the mind to get up and investigate, but she never left her room during the day and she wasn't about to because of some commotion.

She heard a quick struggle, then the wailing of a child. Sighing, she got up from her position on the floor and stepped outside her room. Peering down the hallway, she saw a caretaker spank the wailing child.

"Stupid kid! This will teach you not to move around when I'm trying to change you!" Her beating was merciless and it seemed that whenever another caretaker came to see what the noise was about, they would shrug their shoulders and walk away. Some children walked past, some watching and giggling.

The wailing child suddenly looked up, right at her. His blond hair stuck to his face. Eyes like jewels. No, _oceans_. Wide and wet with tears. He whimpered every time the caretaker spanked him, and at the same time, his gaze on her worsened.

 _'What. You want me to come and save you?'_

 _'Please! It hurts!'_

' _Get over it.'_

She didn't smirk or smile. Didn't giggle or laugh. Didn't even move forward to stop the violence.

' _Your name is Naruto?'_

' _Yes. Please help me!_ '

She turned and walked back into her room. Making sure to lock her door.

* * *

so I've deleted and re-uploaded and deleted and re-uploaded this story a multitude of times. I kinda want to stick with this version though so we will see if this goes anywhere. Updates will be inconsistent but at worst I'll try to get a chapter in every month. My goal is one chapter every week though so. I hope yall like it lol. Also, please leave as much criticism in the comments as possible. I don't have a beta so i need it. Thank you and i hope yall stick around!

First fun fact about Roku: her favorite color is gray.

02


	2. Chapter 2

It's a barren land, but they all throw shade

I can't make peace, post-modern age

I'm a tourist lost in translation

And there's nothing new under the sun

You see, I like it so much better when I'm safe inside

And at times your good company is hard to find

To keep a nourished mind, I need water

'Call Me Anti-Social' New Found Glory

TDF

* * *

Three days after she turned 4 years old, a female caretaker had entered her room with a folder filled with papers, and the woman Roku had been having meetings with for over 6 months.

"Roku! Guess who's here! Hanami-san!"

Roku looked away from the window and at the two women. Takada Hanami. She had been one of the few people Roku had been interested in becoming her adopted mother, and it seemed Takada had as well. When they had first met, she had taken her to a popular tea house near the Uchiha compound. Although she didn't quite like the taste of jasmine green tea, Takada had been smiling unnervingly at her while urging her to drink. Roku had to force the liquid down.

Unnerving. Takada was an unnerving person to her. From what she could gather about the woman, her husband had died many years ago and had lost a child just the previous year. She had many pictures of her husband and the dead child all around her home. It unnerved Roku to have so many dead eyes staring at her. She always would throw a tantrum every time Takada had suggested having another meeting at her home.

Roku had a feeling that Takada was a bit "off her rocker". She was a tremendously paranoid woman. She had taken Roku to a park near the village's Academy one day, hoping to see how she engaged with other children. When a ninja duo approached her and another little girl she was playing with, perhaps to give out pamphlets for the upcoming chunin exams she had heard many of the caretaker's gossip about, Takada would lunge at her, scooping her up into her warm arms. She practically hissed at them before quickly gathering their bags from the nearby park bench and ran back to the orphanage. Roku had found it amusing at the time.

Another time, when Takada had invited her to her home to cook dinner for her, a knock came pounding on her door.

 _"Takada-san! Open up! You can't avoid us forever."_

 _Takada stopped chopping immediately. Roku crawled off the clean couch and stood up, facing the door._

 _"Takada-san, who is-"_

 _Takada practically jumped to her as she firmly pressed her hand over her mouth. She looked into her eyes and silently shushed her. Slowly, without making a single sound, she gathered Roku in her arms and tiptoed to the older woman's room, shutting the door behind them._

 _"Takada! Open up! You can't keep avoiding us!"_

 _Takada had pushed her into a dark closet, silently shutting the door. Roku pried the women's hands off her face._

 _"Takada-san, who is th-"_

 _"Shhhhh!"_

 _Hanami looked at her harshly, motioning her to stay silent._

 _"...Takada-san, please. Just open the door. I'm only here to see if you're ok and if you've taken your medicine. Takada-san, I'm worried about you. Not just me, even the nurses at the clinic are as well. I understand you haven't been feeling so good, but please, I'm just here to help. We all are._

 _Roku could feel Takada shaking and her breathing getting louder. "Those bastards...I don't need any help from them…"_

 _"Takada-san, please. Not just for your own safety, but the safety of the village as well. You must let me in and examine you. If not, we will be forced to take harsher methods. I know you don't want that. The village ca-"_

 _Takada suddenly jolted and pressed herself up against the closet wall. "FUCK THE VILLAGE! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF YOU! GO AWAY. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE!"_

 _"Takada-san! That is the final straw!" The person outside the door huffed before speaking again, in a much darker tone. "Be prepared. My team will be here to examine you and inspect your home tomorrow"._

 _...silence…_

 _The person outside sighed loudly. "I didn't want to have to do this Hanami, but you leave me no choice."_

 _They sat in the dark closet for 20 more minutes after the footsteps faded. Takada slowly came out, looking around the room before dragging her out of the closet as well. Takada quickly strapped Roku's open-toed shoes on her feet and threw her pink, sparkling jacket over her body. She picked her up and walked outside the house, quickly looking all around her before dashing down the street, towards the orphanage._

 _"Those bastards. They never let up."_

* * *

She hadn't seen Takada for over a month after that incident. But when they did meet again, she seemed laxer and smiling more. Roku found that she often had to repeat her name many times to get her to pay attention. Takada would jolt, as if being shocked to hear her voice, and smile as she said: "Yes Roku dear?" It was funny at first, but it soon began to annoy her.

When Roku had turned 5 years old, Takada had adopted her. The first few weeks at her home were weird, to say the least. She had first noticed that her room was well lit, and that the windows faced the tops of rundown restaurant buildings and sketchy weapons shops. The room was average but leaned on the smaller side as it was filled with her bed and a desk. Takada had helped her stick her glow in the dark stars on her ceiling, as well as helped her fold her clothes and place them in the closet. Takada suggested that she go out and buy a rug for her, but Roku proposed that she liked the minimalist look.

"How about these?" Takada had grabbed her Hokage dolls from her bag. Although she didn't play with them anymore, she had decided to keep them for aesthetic reasons. Plus, she wanted to grow her collection as each new Hokage was elected.

"Can you set them down on the window still? They can go back to looking down at the civilians." Takada laughed at what she said, even though she knew her new daughter hadn't made a joke. She walked to her window still and set them down in order. She didn't turn back around though, fiddling with the dolls instead.

"You'll be starting the Academy tomorrow. Make sure to sleep early."

Roku looked up in surprise. "Academy? For shinobi?"

Takada looked directly at her. "Yes. Just like my husband, your father, did. And just like my son, your brother, did. But you'll be stronger.

Roku frowned. "But I don't want to become a ninja. I want to be a farmer Takada-san." It's true. Roku had often dreamed of having a well-lit farm on the outskirts of Fire Country. She would grow fruits and the prettiest of flowers. It was something she often dreamed about whilst locked up in the orphanage.

In 3 quick strides, Takada was kneeling in front of her. She grabbed her arms and stared her down.

"I'm not in the business of raising a child who won't know politics. Who won't be physically educated. Who won't be able to stand her ground when this damned village eventually uses her and throws her away. No. You won't turn out like your father and brother. You will become a myth. Something that's only heard in books. You will live. You will survive. You will show the village OUR rage. The rage of a scorned mother and a mourning widow. Are you listening to me Roku?". Roku quickly nodded her head, her eyes wide. "This is your plan."

She picked her up and sat on the bed, Roku resting on her lap. She looked deeply into her eyes. "You will graduate early. You'll join a genin team as a captain and establish yourself as a leader. You'll complete the chunin exams before your genin team, and pass with top marks. You will join the ANBU Black Ops before you turn 16. You will watch the village. Figure out all its secrets. You will do this. Am I clear?"

Roku was confused. She didn't know where this was coming from. Academy? ANBU? Scorned mother and mourning widow? She didn't want to be a shinobi of the village, especially when she didn't particularly like the place she lived in. And the last time she had checked, she wasn't a mother or a widow. But shinobi? She had seen many of them in and out of the hospital. Men and women with bloodied vests and scars that would never go away. As much as Roku looked emotionless on the outside, she was a complete pansy on the inside. Would she be able to handle the shinobi life? It's not like she could say no to her mother, especially when she was looking so harshly at her. Could she become strong? Was she smart enough to not get killed?

But in the back of her mind, Roku was a bit excited. She thought of the boy from the orphanage.

His ocean eyes

His spiked hair

 _'Maybe this isn't so bad.'_ , she thought. A lot of kids her age had already made the decision to become a ninja, she didn't doubt that he would either. She had grown a weird interest in him since she had left the orphanage. After she had left him to be beaten by the caretakers, he would often stare at her with contempt in his eyes. She didn't mind. In fact, she found it quite funny that he was wasting his time on her instead of finding ways to evade the angry caretakers. He would stare at her whilst she ate or even peek into her room sometimes (although she suspected that he was afraid of doing it too often). She wanted to meet him at the academy. To return his stares for once. To make _him_ feel uncomfortable. Maybe she would get to fight him. She inwardly grinned at the idea.

But she still wondered if she really wanted to fight against her mother. She already knew that she was going to the academy one way or another, but deep inside, her dreams of being a farmer were crushed. She smiled softly at her mother. "Ok Takada-san. I will not let you down."

Her mother looked at her with a gentle smile, her harsh look disappearing. "Good. And with every achievement, I'll get you anything you want." Roku's eyes lit up.

"An extra bag of potato chips?"

"Anything dear."

* * *

The first day of Academy was rather uneventful, Roku thought. She had gone shopping with Takada-san after their talk and picked up an outfit that was easy to move around in. A white oversized shirt and black shorts. Roku liked the flowy blouse a lot and it served to cool her down whenever a breeze blew through it. Wanting to stand out, she also added white markings around her eyes and on her forehead, cheeks and chin. They were just simple white dots, but she loved the way it contrasted against her dark skin.

She was late though, on her first day. Takada-san didn't mind much, saying that the first hour or so was "just boring introductions and getting to know each other. You're not there to make friends Roku. You're there to become powerful. Remember that." Roku was grateful because she got to sleep a whole two hours later than her classmates.

When she did get to class, the instructor was mid-speech before he turned to her in surprise.

"Roku I'm guessing. Roku Takada?"

Roku nodded silently.

"I hope you understand you're extremely late." He sighed before turning to his desk and grabbing a manila folder, handing it to her.

"Please take this folder home after school and have your parents read all the details. It's just papers explaining what this year will be about as well as event reminders and changes in the schedule. Please have them sign off on them or else you won't be able to participate in many of the activities this year." Roku nodded once more.

He looked at her in exasperation. "And please, try to make it to class on time. If you really want to become a ninja then following directions is a key part in good shinobi etiquette." He looked away from her and into the large group of 5-6 year old newbies.

"Hmm… there are a few empty seats in the back and the middle. Why don't you choose one? Make sure you're close enough to hear and see ok?" He looked down at her a bit softer now, nodding at her to move. Roku swiftly moved down the aisles, avoiding the curious glances of her classmates.

Roku turned and quickly chose a random seat, which happened to be near the back of the classroom where she noticed many clanless kids sat. She winced and thought _'this is so weird and cliché. Now, these kids are going to think I'm weird and a shut-in…'._ Surprisingly, many of the children choose to sit further up than back. She would have thought that a lot of children would sit further back on the first day, to avoid being called on. But as she looked over the classroom when she sat down, she found that many of the girls sat in the front rows, whilst the boys sat between them or behind them.

The classroom was quiet as the instructor droned on about rules and regulations, as well as future events and what to expect as they level up. Roku wrote down everything in her notebook, including suggested readings and reliable sources. Apparently the first, second, third, fourth and fifth years of schooling involved zero ninjutsu work and focused mainly on taijutsu, basics and history.

 _'Ok'_ she thought. _'This year I am gonna focus heavily on chakra recognition and concentration. Whilst I'm doing that, I can study up on all the boring stuff. History, politics, etc. I should probably learn at least one or two jutsus. Sensei did say that in the last year we will learn a simple transformation and substitution jutsu. Perhaps this time I will figure out my specialty. Ninjutsu? Genjutsu? Fuinjutsu does sound kinda nice but so does Kenjutsu?'_

She sighed. Executing Takada-sans plan would be a lot more difficult than she had thought. There was a lot to think about when becoming a ninja, she discovered. It was not all about throwing kunai and performing extravagant ninjutsu.

She would continue to brainstorm all throughout the lesson, only being interrupted when lunch came. Takada-san had not packed her lunch and she had not bothered to make something for herself. She silently left the classroom and went outside, watching as other students scurried with their newly made friends, discussing topics in excited voices. Roku saw an open table near a tree, perfectly providing shade for anyone who sat under it. She quickly walked over and sat down before anyone could get to it. She crossed her arms on the table and rested her head, watching as her classmates walked out and ran off.

"Hey"

She silently looked up. Standing before her was the blonde-headed boy she had lived with in the orphanage. She sat up in interest. She would never have thought that he would approach her, having given her many weird looks back in the orphanage. She thought the boy was mentally challenged, what with having to be constantly monitored by the other sensei's in the school as well as the few passing shinobi. She knew he would make the decision to become a ninja, but she briefly suprised that he was standing in front of her. ' _Surely such an odd child wouldn't pursue the serious career of being a shinobi?'_

She cocked her eyebrow at him, silently telling him to continue.

He cleared his voice. "Umm...my name is Naruto Uzumaki. You used to live in the orphanage right? I remember seeing your face!"

She stared at him blankly. _'What does this boy want?'_ she thought.

He visibly clammed up. "Yeah...I totally remember seeing you. Where have you gone anyways? Did you get adopted?"

"Usually children who leave orphanages leave because they get adopted, Uzumaki-san"

An embarrassed blush appeared on his face.

"O-oh… I knew that! Haha. umm ..."

Her patience was starting to run thin. In her mind, she thought any interaction with the blonde headed boy would be fun and interesting. Having seen how he was treated. But before her was a nervous and shy boy, not fun at all.

Roku turned away from him and without looking at him, spoke the three words that had him running away with tears in his eyes and his tail between his legs.

"Go away freak."

* * *

002


	3. Chapter 3

_The world will ask you who you are, and if you don't know, the world will tell you."  
_

 _-Carl Jung_

* * *

 _TDF_

Roku never talked to the blond haired boy after that. Having been so focused on her studies (and slight bargaining from her mother's side) she had skipped two grade levels. Her mother held a grand party for her that day. Endless bags of her favorite potato chips and strawberry sodas. Three new outfits and a summer dress she had been eyeing every time they passed by the boutique on the way to pick up groceries. It was a dream. ' _If it's gonna be like this every time I progress in Takada-sans plan, ill be living in luxury!'_

She was also gifted a box of random seeds from her old sensei. Although it was a bit embarrassing, as she was given this box in front of her old classmates, she felt euphoric when they handed it to her nonetheless. "Your mother told me about how you wanted to be a farmer before you chose to be a ninja. As a parting gift from our entire class, we got you these seeds! There is everything here from flowers to fruits and vegetables. You've been an amazing student Roku. We are all saddened to see you go."

' _They are all saddened to see me go? I've probably spoken about 5 words in my time here. Strange.'_ She shrugged off her thoughts and gladly took the large cardboard box. When she turned to leave the classroom, she met eyes with the blond haired boy.

' _Oh? Sad to see me go?'_

' _You wish! Get out of here! Don't you need to be in your new, advanced class?"_

' _Someone sounds jealous. It is sad though. I thought you would have been more interesting. Goodbye Naruto.'_

She walked out that door with a smile on her face, glad to be out of that class. She never told Takada-san, but it was always so suffocating to be in that class. She had a feeling it was because of Naruto. All the teachers and students treated him badly and always gave him wary looks, as if he was about to lash out and destroy the classroom. With the addition of his daily fights with the other students and his constant need for attention, it seemed like everyday in that class was wasted and interrupted. And it was all because of Naruto.

' _No wonder he's treated so badly'_ she thought. ' _He's an absolute nuisance to be around. I reckon he won't make it past second year. Third if i'm being generous.'_

After she left the classroom, she was directed to go home early and prepare for her new class the next day. So she did. She ran all the way back home, bursting through the doors and yelling for Takada-san before realizing she was probably at her daily clinic checkup. Just as she expected, a note was taped to the front door addressed to her.

 _Roku,_

 _I'll be gone for a few hours today. I won't be back till sundown so please stay inside till I get home. There are leftovers in the refrigerator and you know where your snacks are. I expect your homework to be done by the time I get home. I'll be reading over your report today, so I expect good results. I know you wont give Asui-sensei a hard time. I'm trusting you to keep the house safe dear. I'll see you when I get home. I love you._

 _Mother._

' _I almost forgot about Asui-sensei! I wonder how he will react when I tell him the good news.'_

Asui-sensei. A tall, beefy man of little words. He was one of the few people in the village, including herself, that had near pitch black skin, so it was very hard to miss him. Although being a tough and unforgiving teacher, Roku had often found herself chasing after his approval. Mother had informed her that he was a "high-ranking" shinobi, whatever that meant.

Asui-sensei was due to give his weekly report to Takada-san. She wasn't anxious. She knew that she had been keeping up with her readings and daily taijutsu practices. Perhaps the worst thing he would say to her mother was that she was a bit slow to catch onto new topics, though, Asui-sensei believed that she would get over this problem in the years to come.

Roku quickly slide into her closet and grabbed a new white short sleeve blouse.

' _The weatherman said it would be the hottest day of the year today. I can't keep wearing these long sleeves.'_ She changed into her new white shirt and white shorts. She didn't bother to cover up the burn scars on her arms and legs with  
bandages; Asui-sensei said that it made her look more scary.

As she looked in the mirror, she stood in wonder at her body. She would often peek at the other girls in class and saw how soft and milky their skin was. How the many bruises they had would show up a beautiful shade of purple, pink, then back to a gentle milky shade. Many of the girls were weak, as she was as well. But their weakness was admirable and adorable. Their weakness was protected fiercely. Their weakness was cherished.

Her white hair was short and curled, much unlike the soft, flowing hair that the other girls had. You couldn't see her bruises. Her bruises didn't turn the shade of flowers. Her bruises were barely noticeable except for the soft bumps that formed over them. She wasn't soft. Her skin had turned rough over the burns and her palms wore down after the many lessons with Asui-sensei. She didn't look flowery. She didn't look weak. The muscles on her arms where slightly noticeable. Asui-sensei said to be proud of it. Roku was...admittedly, quite insecure about it.

Roku, with her pitch black skin and her dirt colored scars, was an oddity. Perhaps that's why she liked her lessons with Asui-sensei. He was dark and rough and hard, just like her in a way. He and Roku, they were almost...foreign. Konohagakure held no places for them. No feelings for them. Even when he would take her on walks around the village, the citizens would often look at the pair like aliens. Like they had never seen people like them before. But Asui-sensei was tough, she had never seen those comments crumble his hard, emotionless mask. In those moments with Asui-sensei, she had no option but to be weak and hide behind his legs, shielding herself from those wicked stares.

As she looked at herself in the mirror, she frowned.

' _What am I doing? I have other things to worry about than my looks.'_

Roku never let her thoughts wander to those topics again.

* * *

"I'm quite surprised. Your progress seemed to have plateaued these past couple of weeks. This is unexpected news. I'll have to talk to your new teachers and get an overview of the new curriculum. Or do you plan to skip this grade level as well?"

Asui-sensei's voice boomed through her living room. As she sat in _seiza_ before him, she could only keep her eyes focused on him. He sat comfortably, back against her mother's clean couch, eyeing her ruthlessly. He sounded laid back, but Roku knew better than to trust her sensei's tone of voice.

"I had guessed that you might need more time to progress in our personal lessons. But the fact that you have surpassed two grade levels surprises me, considering the fact that you have been so slow these days." He scoffed slightly.

"But I guess I underestimated you. I expect to see the same progress in our own lessons in the weeks to come. I'll have to change everything now. Since your so eager to grow." He got up from his position and stomped into her kitchen, grabbing a cold water bottle from her refrigerator and drinking it in two gulps. He then grabbed her dinner in the fridge and started to eat it for himself. Roku could feel her stomachs ache at the sight.

"Starting tonight. Meet me at training ground 4. I'll see how much you have progressed and then, if you meet my expectations, I will teach you something that I haven't taught you before. If you prove to be satisfactory, then I will progress you. If not, then I'll be having a talk with your teachers in the academy about reconsidering your...promotion."

Asui-sensei was not happy. As he finished her dinner and grabbed another bottle of cold water, his displeasure was palpable. He didn't believe that her progression was hard won. He had been completely disappointed in her progress these weeks, believing her to have... _given up_. The thought of Asui-sensei's disappointment in her brought tears in her eyes.

"What are you crying about?" He had caught her whilst she was wiping her eyes. She had thought her sensei would be singing her praises. Instead she got cold looks and disappointed sighs. Asui-sensei scoffed again before repeating himself.

"I said", he crossed the living room and three quick strides before grabbing her face in one hand, squeezing painfully. "What. Are. You. Crying. About."

The tears in her eyes stopped abruptly. It was never wise to cry in front of Asui-sensei.

"Roku. I don't believe your cut out to be a ninja."

She gasped, before quickly stuttering out a reply against his hands that gripped her face.

"Why...why would you think that?"

"Your heart's not in it. It seems like you show up to your lessons every day, as if your cross a task off your list. As if to quickly get it done, so that you may go back to your other life. The life of a carefree child with a new family. With your toys. With your books. Can I tell you something Roku?"

"Yes sensei."

His grip on her face would certainly leave a bruise.

"You...are not a child anymore. You left your childhood behind the day you accepted your mother's plan. You left your childhood behind the day you came under my tutelage. You had a choice in becoming a ninja did you not?"

She nodded her head.

"Then you know the seriousness of picking this career yes?"

She nodded her head again.

"Then I'm baffled that you think you can take this one day at a time. Take the _easy_ route. The _safe_ route. Your a special case remember. You chose to become a ninja because you wanted to satisfy your new mothers desires. Not for the safety of the village or the betterment of society right?"

She hesitated but nodded nonetheless.

"Right. So to fulfill such a _selfless_ desire, requires great power. And the fact that you aren't putting in your _all_ to achieve your goals is quite...disappointing."

He let go of her face harshly before waking over to his shoes by the door, slipping them on.

"You've only skipped those two level by pure luck. Really nothing to celebrate over. You want to win over my approval? My happiness? My satisfaction? Then you'll come to our lesson tonight. You'll _exceed_ my expectations. Your mother expects you to become an ANBU Black Op right? She expects you to become..", he chucked. Then laughed a hearty laugh.

"She expects you to become...great. Well, come to our lesson tonight and we will see if you're _great_ material." He hesitated as we went out the door. He looked back at her shocked face.

"If you choose not to come to our lesson tonight, then I'll take it as a sign that you've _given up_ on your mother's ambitions, and that you have chosen the _civilian_ life. But if you do show up, then get rid of this _insouciance_ and _uncertainty_ before you come. I don't have the patience to deal with it." He gently closed the door behind him, leaving the young, shocked girl to consider his words.

* * *

What did she want, really?

In her mind, she often still thought about being a farmer. Still thought about living carelessly in her own world, tending to flowers or fruit. Free. Dreamless. Goalless. Like dust settled on the top of cabinets. Like a leaf in the wind.

But now, she had Takada-san. And with her, came _her_ ambitions that she ordered Roku to complete. To become strong. To become powerful. She didn't know why she had too. Why she _needed_ to. What the purpose was or what would happen at the end of it all.

She was never...serious about her academy work. Or her personal lessons with Asui-sensei. Although she did seek the satisfaction of both her sensei and her mother, this satisfaction stemmed from a child's need to be _wanted_ , not from her need to become... _powerful._

What would be waiting for her once she did accomplish Takada-sans goals? She would be powerful, feared, accomplished. But what then? What _secrets_ did Takada-san want her to find out? When she found them out, _what then_?

But as she thought this over in her head, she knew better than to question it. It was always _do as I say_ with her mother. She knew that in the moment that she accepted her mother's request, that it would not be about her anymore. It would always be _what can you do for me_. If Roku knew that this would be her new life after she got adopted, she didn't know if she would be as accepting of the idea of having a family again.

' _Barely a family. All I have is Takada-san…'_

A new life. A shinobi's life, as Asui-sensei had told her, was to suffer. And that if she had half a brain, she would learn to accept and expose herself to that suffering as early as she can. The only way to become _powerful,_ was through pain. And that pain of letting go of her _childish, selfish_ dreams was too much for her. But, Roku just hoped that at the end of it, she would remain as careless and free as she was now.

* * *

TDF

yikes its been awhile y'all. sorry for the inconstant updates. also, there will be a love interest so please leave suggestions down in the comments. preferably any of the male rookies. how are y'all liking it so far? please leave criticisms in the comments as well. thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_History and experience tell us that moral progress comes not in comfortable and complacent times, but out of trial and confusion._

 _Gerald R. Ford_

* * *

TDF

" _Starting tonight. Meet me at training ground 4. I'll see how much you have progressed and then, if you meet my expectations, I will teach you something that I haven't taught you before. If you prove to be satisfactory, then I will progress you. If not, then I'll be having a talk with your teachers in the academy about reconsidering your...promotion."_

She stood in training round 4, the farthest and messiest training ground in the entire village. It wasn't messy in the sense that trash littered the ground, but messy in the sense that the entire training ground stunk of sweat and blood that did not seem to disperse. There were broken kicking posts and mysteries pieces of burnt and chipped wood about. The occasional dirt pits and patches of dead grass made her skin crawl. The training ground was pushed up against the high village walls, making it so that the entire place never received enough lighting. In its entirety, the place stunk. Falling apart. And it became the most dreary place when it rained. It was no wonder no one showed up here.

Perhaps that was the reason she loved it there. It was untouched by the citizens of the village. It was quiet and although the smell of the place hit her once she entered, she got used to it as she continued her practicing. It was open. It was free. It was the place she spent most of her time, even when she wasn't training. It was almost like stepping into a new world. She loved it.

But at the moment, as the sun was setting behind the Hokage mountain and the chirping and flapping of the birds silenced, her anxieties and doubts shook her to the core. Her sensei had said not to show up tonight with any uncertainties or hesitations, but when she stepped out her door earlier to arrive, she found it difficult to put one foot in front of the other. What was she to do? She knew she had to continue with her mother's plan, but would she be able too? What were her goals? What did she need to know? How powerful did she need to become? How would she be able to satisfy Asui-sensei's expectations? What expectations did she need to meet? She had skipped two grade levels, but did Asui-sensei expect her to be incredibly advanced now? What would he have her do?

She hadn't seen Asui-sensei standing in front of her, simply watching her as she panicked. Only when he cleared his throat did she finally look up and quickly stand at attention. Asui-sensei scoffed before shoving a thin, beige piece of paper in front

"Send your chakra into this paper. Steadily. Don't ruin the paper before I can even find out."

She took the paper out of his hands before looking at in in confusion. "Um...Asui-sensei..what is this?"

He simply continued to stare at her, gesturing to use the paper.

She swallowed the lump in her throat before sending a stream of chakra into the paper. She didn't know what was happening, her eyes shifting to Asui-sensei and the paper quickly. The paper damped before shrinking in on itself, drying out slightly.

"Huh. Water and lighting. How unexpected."

He took the paper out of her hands and threw it aside. Roku hesitated slightly before opening her mouth. But before she could get a word out, Asui-sensei had beaten her to it.

"Chakra papers. Most shinobi have chakra that has an affinity to one of the five elemental chakra natures. To find out what affinity someone has, these pieces of paper are used to react to the slightest hint of chakra in any number of ways, depending on the nature dormant in the chakra. Your chakra papers had two reactions. Your paper dampened before it shriveled up. Meaning you have a water and lightning affinity...Although, you certainly don't have a water and lighting personality…"

This new information shocked her. She had skipped two whole grade levels and she didn't know this? Perhaps this is what Asui-sensei meant when he said she had been promoted on pure luck. She didn't have time to wallow in her self pity though. Asui-sensei had approached her again, this time with two other children with him.

"Roku, meet Haruhiro and Haruhiko. These two are going to be your new training partners. Boys, introduce yourself. Likes and dislikes. Dreams for the future. You know how it goes."

She noticed that they both looked like exact copies of each other. Both tall and lanky, but also more muscular that boys her age. They had to be at least a year or two older than her. They were pale, with large amounts of messy brown hair that looked like it needed to be cut. Large brown eyes, a sculpted nose and full lips. They looked like normal citizens of the village. Too normal in her opinion.

The first to step up walked with an air of confidence and arrogance. "My name is Haruhiro. I'm 7 years old and im a genin. I like shonen manga and my brother. My dislikes include schedule changes and people who mess with my brother. My only dream for the future is to become an established ninja. I want to be able to protect the people I love. That is all." he promptly stepped back and joined his brothers side.

"Haruhiko. Your turn boy."

The boy named Haruhiko shyly stepped up, barely just a few feet. He kept his fingers in his mouth, his feet shuffling the dirt underneath him. She was surprised to say the least. This boy was the exact copy of Haruhiro, the confident and equanimous boy. But this Haruhiko was...she didn't have words to describe him. She was reminded of the Naruto she met back in the orphanage.

She turned to face Asui-sensei. "Is this boy mentally challenged or something?"

She heard quite sniffles. Haruhiko had started...crying? He turned and ran into his brothers awaiting arms, his brother glaring at her. To say the least, she was without words. Her jaw was surely meeting the floor at the moment. She had never seen a boy cry like _that_ before. He was shaking and shivering in his brothers arms whilst the calmer one whispered words of reassurance and kindness softly into his ear. The feeling of hysterical laughter bubbled out of her mouth.

"W...what the hell was that!?" She unashamedly laughed, clutching at her stomach. The absurdity of it left her in tears. This boy? A ninja? She wasn't the most powerful ninja herself, she knew that. But there was no way that this boy was thinking about becoming an established shinobi. Never in her years alive has she seen a boy cry so... _unprovoked_. She had only asked if he was mentally challenged, if a simple question like that brought him to tears, she would have immense fun seeing what else made him tick. She continued with her uncontrollable laughter.

The sound of the boys cries only grew louder. She didn't even hear the stomping of feet approach her, but she felt the sharp pain of the punch to her jaw, knocking her to the ground. The taste of blood filled her mouth as she spit out...a tooth? She looked up to find the other brother staring down at her. His chest was puffed and his fist was coiled back, ready to deliver another blow. She was breathing hard and, although shaking, he spoke his words with venom.

"I find it _amazing_ how you have so much _confidence_. Knowing _you look the way you look_ and you have the _cheek_ to come for my brother on his unfortunate behavior. Have you no self-awareness? Or do you just push your own insecurities unto others all the time?"

He delivered another powerful blow to her face before scoffing and walking back to his brother, which seemed to be in a happier mood.

She shook as she stood up on her feet, spitting out all the blood in her mouth. She tried to steady herself the best she could, the two blows having nearly knocked her unconscious. Roku refused to let the tears fall as she focused her gaze on Asui-sensei. She was met with another dirty expression though, which seemed to only make her feel even worse.

"Roku. I'm incredibly disappointed with you." He turned his head away from her. That was when she let the first few tears slip. Haruhiro spoke up once more.

"His name is Haruhiko. He speaks when he wants to, and only to those he deems worthy. So obviously he wouldn't speak to you. He told me he won't tell you his likes or dislikes. Nor his dreams. Again, unworthy. He also told me your an insufferable bitch, but I think we all knew that already."

She felt attacked, but she knew it was for a good reason. ' _Dont you know you're an oddity too? Skin blacker than the night sky and burns all over. And you have to gall to come for some boy who doesn't wanna talk? Are you an idiot or are you just stupid?'_

Asui-sensei didn't look at her whilst he started describing the nights lesson. Haruhiro looked forward, determined and ready. Haruhiko looked like he was ready as well, not even paying attention to her. She silently stood behind them, wiping the tears as they fell. Her two new partners, although only 2 years older than her, where eons away from her in maturity and power. She felt like she was looking up from the bottom of a cliff, the brothers standing at the top. Why had she expected Haruhiko to be below her? She was the oddity. She heard all the _whispers_ and _slurs_. She's seen the _stares_. She knew Konohagakure was not her home, and yet she spoke with such confidence to the people the village _truly_ loved. And she had gotten punished for it. She had been shown her place, and she did not dare step out of it.

Roku felt disgusted with herself. The feeling of nausea soon hit her but she refused to step away for Asui-sensei's lecture. She swallowed the vomit, looking down at her feet. She knew now. _She knew now_. She would never step out of her place again.

* * *

Apparently, she had met Asui-sensei's expectations that night. Though he refused to look her way and the twin brothers snickered at her every mistake that Asui-sensei critiqued her on. She had watched the boys perform nature style jutsu whilst she was stuck still trying to practice simple chakra control. The boys were running all over the nearby river whilst she couldn't get half a meter up a tree before failing. Asui-sensei's disappointment was palpable. It stung her. But he told her she had passed his expectations. She didn't know if he said it out of pity or if it was actually true.

After that day, her bond with Asui-sensei seemed to be strained. He didn't personally pick her up for lessons anymore. Nor did he personally met her in her home for weekly reports. He spoke briefly to her when she had questions, always trying to end the conversation quickly. He scowled more than usual, and definitely wasn't so...fatherly with her anymore.

No, his attention was focused more on the two boys. Her two new partners. Asui-sensei scheduled more training hours for the two brothers than he did for her. She would often spy on the two brothers whilst they were being trained, hearing Asui-sensei's praises and seeing him grant them praise-filled pats on their heads. The pats on the head she used to get.

She would not feel bad about it though. She deserved it after all. She had forgotten her place. Gotten selfish. She had cried about it enough. She would not cry anymore at Asui-sensei's abandonment of her. She would prove herself to him instead. Prove that she was worthy of being his student.

Her only focus these days was chakra control. She could not deal with the endless giggles the twins threw at her every time she failed to run up a tree. Her chakra control was atrocious, nearly civilian like. The academy wasn't teaching chakra control at her year level. But with her accelerated coursework, Asui-sensei's lessons and her mothers plan she needed to fulfil, her chakra control needed to improve. And fast.

She sat in her room, a leaf stuck to her forehead, sweat dripping down her temple. Her hands shook as she grit her teeth. She was in this position all day. Occasionally realising her tension everytime the leaf fell from her forehead. As it approached night time though, she found that she couldn't hold the leaf longer than three minutes at a time, a decreases from her original time of five.

Roku couldn't help it though. Asui-sensei had told her not to show up to their daily lessons until she mastered tree climbing and water walking, a task that proved more than difficult. She blamed it on her running thoughts. Asui-sensei. Haruhiro and Haruhiko. Her mother. She remembered that another purpose of the Leaf Concentration Practice was to exercise one's concentration and the ability to not become distracted. With the way her mind was, she would not be able to make any progress soon.

"Maybe a change in scenery will help."

Roku left her home, making her way to one of the common training grounds. The space looked used and slightly messy, cheap kunai embedded into the various trees that littered the space. It was calm and quiet though, the perfect place to concentrate.

She sat down in the middle of the training ground, placing the leaf to her forehead.

"Come on...focus."

She tried to send a steady stream of chakra to the space around her forehead, but as expected, the leaf simply fell on her lap, limp.

"Damn it!" she screamed in frustration. Roughly taking the leaf and sticking it back on her forehead.

"Work dammit." But the leaf once again fell back in her lap.

She continued like this into the night. Sometimes the leaf would stick to her forehead for a couple seconds. Sometimes the leaf wouldn't stick at all. The frustration inside her grew. ' _Why...what's wrong with me...why won't it stick…'_

Her frustrations were answered by the snapping of twigs.

She jumped up, her fists coming up to her face, ready for attack. A soft chuckle ran through her ears though, and she tilted her head in confusion.

"Who...who are you?"

He was just a boy. A few years older than her by the look of it. But still a boy. He was obviously from a clan, judging by the symbol on his sleeves and shirt, and the confident air around him. He was pale, paler than the moon. With a curly mop of black hair and a broad nose. He was obviously a shinobi like her, and despite his young age, his ninja headband shined bright in the moonlight. Roku couldn't take her eyes off him. His presence demanded respect, despite the childish air around him. He was...cute.

She blushed as she gazed at him, never lowering her fists. He stood a few meters in front of her, his arms crossed with a broad smile on his face. It looked like he had been standing there since she sat down.

"You'll never progress if you keep _that_ up."

She cocked her head even further, scrunching up her eyebrows. She didn't want to voice her confusion though, not wanting to speak to the unfamiliar boy.

He stepped toward her with a fox like grin on his face. When he noticed that she stepped back, her fists tightening further, he put his hands up in surrender.

"Woah, woah. Easy now. I come in peace.", he joked. "I was just passing by when I saw you struggling with your chakra control it seems. I'm just saying, with they way _your_ practicing it, you'll never get far. I could help you ya know. I once sucked at my chakra control too. Once upon a time."

His hands lowered, and hers did too. This boy didn't seem like an immediate threat.

He slowly walked over to the spot where she stood, an easy going smile on his face. Despite his carefree attitude, she knew he was trying his best to not scare her away, evident in the fact he didn't get too close to her, only stopping just a few feet in front of her.

"While the purpose of the Leaf Concentration Practice is to hone in on ones chakra control, everyone knows that its to train one's focus and ability to get less distracted. Something is occupying your mind. You need to address it or find a way to stop thinking about it if you really want to get better at chakra control. So...penny for your thoughts?"

It made send in her mind. Obviously if she poured all her concentration in her thoughts, it'll be harder to concentrate on her chakra control. But let this unknown boy in on her thoughts? Not a chance.

"No"

He smirked at her response. "Aw. Why not? I promise im a good listener. It might help to-"

"I said no. If you want to help me, you can start by helping me forget about whatever i'm thin-"

"Hey! Don't just interrupt me like that! Respect your elders!"

She gave him a stiff once over before raising a confused eyebrow. "You don't even look that much older than me. What are you? 7? 8?'

He scoffed and crossed his arms. "Im 9. Nearly 10. And if you wont respect the age difference than at least respect the power difference. I'm more powerful than you." He flicked her nose when he finished. She backed up a few steps and grabbed her nose in frustration.

' _Remember your place Roku. Don't even try it.'_

She took a few calming breaths before addressing him. "Ok fine. Can't you just give a little bit of advice? I need to master-"

"Say less! Lets go." He suddenly lunged at her. She felt a hand grab her arms roughly before everything went black.

When her vision came back to her, she was standing at the bottom of a tall waterfall, surrounded by dark green grass and what looked like an open field in the middle of a forest. She felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder, turning her around to face the strange boy. He had a large grin on his face as he stepped away from her and held up his arms.

"Well? Isn't this place so peaceful and calm? The perfect place to learn some chakra control in my opinion. Just outside the village too." he walked over and sat down on a boulder that protruded out of the waterfall. She seemed to come to her senses when he started speaking.

"Lesson number o-"

"How-how did you do that?"

He huffed at her interruption, but answered anyways. "What do you mean how? Never seen a Teleportation Jutsu before?"

"Telpor...tation?" She felt hot at the thought. With the way he said it, it seems like something she should know. But she couldn't recall ever learning about it in the academy, as all she leaned was history and politics. She hadn't touched any jutsu work.

"Don't tell me you don't know what a teleportation jutsu is?! Well great news! I happen to be an expert at the Teleportation Jutsu." He teleported behind her to prove the point, startling her. She jumped away and landed on the rock he once stood on.

"How do I teleport?"

He let out a hearty laugh. "You want to learn the Teleportation Jutsu when you haven't even learned chakra control? Are you crazy? No, first i'm gonna give you little lesson on chakra and chakra control, then i'm gonna leave the rest up to you. I'm just here to give you a hand is all."

She folded her arms and looked at him in suspicion. "If your not here to teach me, then why even bother taking me here?"

"A little bit to show off. A little bit to get out of the village."

She huffed. ' _This is a scam'_ she thought. There was no way a boy who haven't even reached the age of 10 was at such a high level. Or at least, high enough that he would be known for performing the Teleportation Jutsu. She hadn't figured out his name or what clan he was in or even if whatever he was saying was true or not. But he spoke in such a convincing and tantalizing way that she had no choice than to take his word.

' _I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Asui-sensei won't help me and Haruhiro and Haruhiko surely won't. I'll just have to take what I can get.'_

Yes, she was desperate. She needed to get back into Asui-sensei good graces as soon as she could. She had committed a grave mistake in his eyes, and after her interaction with the brothers, she knew that she had to navigate this ninja world with her head turned towards the ground and her ears open. She couldn't step out and lead anymore. She couldn't speak in the tone she did anymore. No, Asui-sensei had taught her that this ninja life was dog-eat-dog. And that the only way a girl like _her_ was to survive, was to keep her gaze low and ready for command.

For her mother. For her teammates. For asui-sensei.

If she had to take a sketchy lesson from an adolescent boy about chakra control, she would. Because the sooner she could execute and complete her mother's plan, the sooner she could get back into Asui-sensei's good graces, the sooner she could prove herself to Haruhiro and haruhiko, than the sooner she could prover herself as useful. And that was her only dream.

"Ok, let's get started."

* * *

Did yall like it? Did yall hate it? I seriously need to get into the habit of updating regularly. But maybe that can be my new years resolution. Anyways, who would yall like to see as a potential love interest? Sasuke? Naruto himself? Leave a comment suggesting who. And while your at it, please leave a review or some constructive criticism. Since I don't really have a beta reader, please excuse my spelling and grammar mistakes for now. I'll come back and clean it up soon. But anyways, bye-onara!


	5. Chapter 5

" _Your thoughts kill you, don't they."_

 _\- unknown_

* * *

"Hold it! Hoooooooooolllldddd iiiiiitttttt! Hold it Roku, don't let it fall!"

It had been one week since she met the strange, nameless boy. In that small span of a week, she had expanded her time in the Leaf Concentration Practice from 15 seconds to two whole minutes, just from the boys strange practices and teaching. She didn't question him much, since his strange practices and teachings seemed to be showing results. But after the grueling hours of nearly fainting and chakra exhaustion, she found that not questioning him was somewhat difficult. His laughs and smiles sustained her though, perhaps because of her silly, growing crush on the boy.

But she had improved. She couldn't wait to show Asui-sensei, and even the twins. She had gone through multiple practices on how to focus her chakra and tune out everything around her. But it was never easy. She had gone through many trials, trying to find out what could make her focus. She had practiced counting in her head, tapping her fingers together, and even imagining herself drinking water. Nothing worked.

Until the strange boy proposed a stranger idea.

" _You know what I find a bit peaceful?"_

 _She looked up at him from her position on the ground. She took some time to catch her breath before speaking._

" _W...What..?_

 _He smirked before he laid himself beside her, looking up into the setting sky._

" _Drowning."_

 _She looked at him as if he was crazy. And maybe he was. She wanted to voice her opinion. To call him crazy and suicidal. But she kept quiet. He looked over at her when the silence reached over a minute. He chuckled before looking back at the sky._

" _What? You're not gonna question why?"_

" _No. Though I wonder, is that what you imagine when trying to concentrate?"_

 _He laughed before looking at her. "Nope. I imagine myself sitting on top of a pile of gold and rubys. My throne is surrounded by the prettiest girls and sharpest of weapons. I imagine myself being a king Roku."_

" _That's a total lie."_

" _Was it obvious?" he slapped his thigh before letting out a contagious laugh. She started giggling before quickly smothering her smile, looking away. "So, are you gonna tell me why you think drowning is peaceful?"_

 _He seemed to calm down, sitting up before wrapping his long arms around his knees. "Well, imagine it. Sinking slowly into a dark abyss. The feeling of water rushing against your face and hands and feet. Just falling, slowly, never ending. And then sofly slipping away. Softly. Without feeling. Just softness and steadiness." He had his signature easy-going smile on his face. Roku felt another blush crawling into her face._

" _I dont think thats how drowning works. Drowning is painful you know."_

 _He looked at her slightly annoyed. "You wanted to know what I found peaceful right? So that's that. Plus, it's just another imagination exercise. It's not real. Here, let's practice."_

Of course they didn't actually practice drowning. But he made her sit under the waterfall, cross legged, and helped her imagine slowing sinking into that water. To feel herself slowly being immersed in the cold and slow moving current. To feel herself sinking deeper and deeper, her problems and anxieties withering away. Until finally, she was suspended in water, and her thoughts only revolved around control. Control of herself. Of her chakra.

But it was a lot easier said than done. And the mystery boy never stuck around to watch her. He only ever told her what to do and then would come back hours or even days later to check up on her. But she was ok with it, especially since his methods worked. She was gaining control rapidly. Just from a simple imagination exercise. It was unbelievable.

She was ringing her shirt out of all the water it gathered when she heard him approach her. Before he could speak, she had beaten him to it, eager to ask the question that has been on her mind for days.

"So, I don't think we ever properly introduced each other. My name is Roku Hanami. I am clanless and also an adoptee. I have water and lightning style and I'm in my third year at the Academy. I'm 5 years old. My fa-"

"You might as well quit now Roku. I'm not telling you anything."

She quickly turned to him in awe. What did he mean he wasn't gonna tell her anything? They had known each other for weeks now, nearly meeting to train everyday. She even knew his favorite color and foods. But she couldn't even get his name?

She turned back around to wring her shirt harder ... Her mouth turned up into a scowl. Why? Had she not proven herself worthy of a simple name? Was it because she was clanless? Was it because of her burned, black skin? Was it because of the white markings on her face? Maybe it was all of it. Maybe she still had that bitchy attitude that Haruhiro told her about.

Right

Just like Haruhiro and Haruhiko said.

"Well, is there anything I can call you by? Even a fake name?"

He looked up towards the sky and set his fist under his chin in mock contemplation. After a few moments, he looked back at her with a smile, finally reaching a conclusion.

"Call me...Four!"

* * *

She and Four continued to practice throughout the entire day. Eventually, when nightfall came, he left her, disappearing before she could even blink, and without a goodbye. It was always like that between them. Even though he was generally respectful and outgoing towards her, she never received a good morning or goodbye from him. She had chalked it all up to her just not being worthy of one, which was an easy conclusion to get to. But when he left her to go home every night, leaving her under the cool night sky by herself, she would always feel a wave of bitterness wash over her.

Bitter at what? She never knew exactly. Maybe to Four. He had an entire clan of family members to go back to. Perhaps a mother and father. Maybe a sibling or a close cousin or two. He was powerful, way beyond her imagination. He had told her he had started training at the age of 2 by his father, before being taken over by his clan members. And from what she could guess, he had obviously come from a powerful clan, perhaps the Uchiha or the Nara's. He had made a name for himself at such a young age, and was more powerful than many adult ninjas that she knew.

Or maybe she was bitter towards Asui-sensi. He was like her, a foriegn creature. He had skin as black as hers but had the personality to match. He was tall, rough and powerful. Even in a village that didn't respect him, he demanded respect and he got it. He walked with his chin held high, even when the stares of the civilians and fellow ninja pierced through him. He was a walking stone. Impenetrable and immovable. He was everything Roku aspired to be.

But he had left her, and so easily at that. And perhaps it wasn't his fault, she thought. She had been unreasonable and brattish towards the twins unprovoked. She lived off of making people feel bad. She did it with Naruto and she had tried to do it with the twins, but was quickly shut down. But she didn't see why Asui-sensei left her like that. Made her fend for herself with no life jacket. He was cruel, yes. But never that cruel to her.

Or perhaps, it was Naruto. Every time she looked at him, she saw something in him. Something bright and destined for change. She saw potential and greatness, something she knew she would never have. The more she thought about it, the more her throat closed up with jealousy. Why? Naruto was sometimes treated worse than her. Why, when she looked at him, she saw greatness. But when she looked at herself, she saw someone bound to serve. Someone bound to follow direction and command. She just knew that when they got older, he would be just like Four. But stronger, wiser, cooler, and definitely loved by the whole village. He would become Hokage, just like he always wanted. She just knew. She knew. And she hated it. _She_ wanted to be loved by the village. _She_ wanted to be powerful and feared. _She_ wanted to be Hokage, if it meant people would look at her with hope and admiration. She would do anything, become a slave or servant or a leader and queen, if it meant someone, anyone, would look at her like she meant something.

Like she had a purpose.

* * *

It was on a rainy day in the Village Hidden in the Leaves when Roku left her home to train during the early hours. She slipped her open toed sandals on, adjusted her white blouse and black pants before stepping out into the pouring rain. She had recently gotten a haircut. Her once long and wavy white hair was now in short, boyish cuts, curling around her ears and forehead, just like Fours. She liked it. Having long hair, especially lots of it in the case of herself, hindered more than helped. She threw up her short hair into two small pigtails and ran out into the pouring rain.

Her mother had just left for her daily clinic appointment, leaving her alone for most of the day. She breathed a sigh of relief. Although she liked her mother, Takada spent most of her time staring at pictures of her deceased husband and child, whispering to herself madly. Yes, that's what Takada was. Mad. Or at least, it seemed that her daily appointments were not working and she was becoming more and more unhinged everyday. She barely ate, as Roku noticed. Barely showered or even moved unless she reminded her too. Roku felt...nervous about it. She was beginning to like Takada more and more each day. To the point where, given enough time, she would eventually come to love her. Takada was kind to her when she wasn't reminding her of her plan. She fed her and read to her and often slept with her on the nights when it was too cold or too quiet. It was immensely comforting and she looked forward to her nightly meetings with her mother.

Though lately, that wasn't the case. Takada had been reduced to sitting on her bed at nights, staring into the darkness and whispering the names of her family and other names she wasn't familiar with. She took care of her mother now. Preparing her breakfasts, lunches and dinners before she left for the clinic. When she came home, Roku would find that she took a few bits of each meal, never finishing and certainly never filling her stomach up. Perhaps that's why on some nights she would find her mother roaming the living room, opening and closing the refrigerator and turning on the gas stove.

There were certain things Roku knew for sure. Ever since she was born, it was almost like she had a sixth sense. The ability to know what is about to happen, what's coming next, before it ever happened. Almost like she could see into the future. She could see her future. Her teammates' future. Naruto's. But never her mother.

Her mother's future was blank. Like it was cut off at some point. Nothing.

The thought always unsettled her.

When she had reached her favorite, secluded training grounds, she saw that she wasn't alone.

Standing there was Naruto, sweating and breathing loudly. He was wearing a white t-shirt and his signature goggles sat snugly on his forehead. He was obviously exhausted, judging by the fact that as soons as she noticed him he collapsed on the dirt, taking in as many gulps of air as he could. He hadn't noticed her, but she was quick to hide behind a tree just in case. He looked like he had been practicing before she came upon him.

She didn't know what to do. She had come there to train but it looked like Naruto had found her favorite hidden spot. She gulped. She knew she couldn't show herself in front of him. Ever since that day with Asui-sensei, she had grown a sort of fear of Naruto. That he would see through her and treat her the same cruel way she treated him. That he would take advantage of her vulnerability like she did him. That he would one day turn against her and bully her, showing her her place in the village, like she had planned to do with him before she had advanced up in the Academy. She wouldn't be able to handle it. Not in her current mental state.

She was still trying to grasp her position in the village. She was still adjusting. She was still scared and confused. To see Naruto's mad face would make everything 10 times worse. She had to get away without making a sound. Which actually proved to be a lot more difficult than she had thought.

' _SNAP!'_

Naruto quickly jumped up and turned to her frozen position, feet planted on a broken twig and face preserved in a shocked and scared expression. And just like she had predicted Naruto looked at her in anger.

"You! What are you doing here!? This is my spot! Scram!"

She couldn't move. She wanted to run. Oh, how she wanted to run. But she was frozen. As she looked into his deep ocean eyes and was frozen by his icy stare. The only thought that ran through her head, the thought that proved what everyone thought of her, even what Naruto thought of her, was bouncing around through her skull painfully, colliding into the walls of her mind, leaving her shaking and with small tiny gasps leaving her mouth. She knew it. She could practically read his mind. She knew what he was thinking about her.

' _I KNOW DAMMIT!'_

' _I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME NARUTO UZUMAKI!'_

' _I'M SCUM AREN'T I? A BUG YOU WOULDN'T MESS WITH?'_

' _I KNOW IT! SAY IT!'_

"JUST SAY IT NARUTO!"

She screamed it in his face. She hadn't noticed that she had moved closer to him, just barely hovering in front of him. Her head was turned toward the ground, not daring to look him in the eye for fear she would break into tears. But her hands were clenched hard, so hard she could feel the blood run down her fingers and drip onto the ground. She was shaking uncontrollably, and was growing more anxious at the sounds of Naruto's speechless gasps. She would wait all day if she could to hear his response, but the seconds went by in silence, and she couldn't bear to be this close to him. She could practically smell him, and his smell oddly comforted her. But she needed to run away, before he would do the same things she did to her.

She just needed to say one thing.

" _Naruto_ …"

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"Youre...youre _better_ than me…"

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"This village...will make me _serve_ you…"

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"I...I will learn to _accept_ that."

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"I...will _serve_ …"

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* * *

Responding to reviews time!

Idiotic Brainspark says " _It was good at the beginning. It still is, actually, but I really think Roku not understanding why her teammates dislike her is unrealistic. I mean, don't get this wrong, the story is really good, but I think she should know better than to just ask a kid if he's mentally disabled. Maybe it's just where I'm from, but a comment like that can immediately label you as someone to avoid. Again, this is not meant to be rude, just confused as to why that confrontation went as it did."_

I wanted to write Roku in a brattish sort of way. I wanted people's first impression of her to be "Wow, what a bitch." So i guess that kinda worked lol.

luvfairytale says " _Konoha is a military dictatorship, is it realistic that some random guy would speak out against the Hokage without fear?"_

You mean the nurses? The hokage was dead at that point and there was no official hokage set in stone after that. And I'm sure that the Hokages had critics. i mean, Danzo was able to walk around without a target on his head. Or at least, walk around without being in immediate danger.

Anyways, thanks for the support and stay tuned for the next chapter. Please leave as many reactions and criticisms in the comments!


	6. Chapter 6

_There are... many types of monsters in this world: Monsters who will not show themselves and who cause trouble; monsters who abduct children; monsters who devour dreams; monsters who suck blood, and... monsters who always tell lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance. They are much more cunning than other monsters. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart. They eat even though they've never experienced hunger. They study even though they have no interest in academics. They seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such a monster, I would likely be eaten by it._

 _\- L, Death Note._

TDF

* * *

...But just because she agreed to _serve_ , just because she agreed to let herself be used by others, doesn't mean she wasn't boiling inside over the thought of it.

Her mother, the woman she had grown to love and accept as her own, did she really love her? Or did she love the _idea_ of her. Someone to use and eventually discard, once she was all out of uses.

Did Asui-sensei really care about her, or did he teach her out of respect and perhaps, favors he owed to her mother.

Once she had fulfilled her mother's plans, what would become of her?

It was a question she often pondered over. Once everything was over, who would be left for her to turn to? Would her mother still be there? Would Asui-sensei still be there? Her teammates? Her fellow shinobi she would soon work beside? Would any of them care?

She already knew the answer to that. From the day she was born, it was almost like she was there just to serve a purpose. To fulfill a duty. To plan and execute and be done with it all. And then once she was done with what others need of her, she would never be told what would become of her. _Bitterly_ , she thought of the people she would serve. The Hokage, her mother, Asui-sensei, her fellow shinobi, her teammates, she wondered if they even cared...surely, if she were to drop off the face of the earth, they would just find someone else to fulfill their duties. A new child to adopt and indoctrinate, a new student to train, a new ninja to die for his village. And the cycle would start all over again. _Endlessly_.

She was one of the unlucky few caught in this endless cycle.

But, she thought, what was she going to do? Someone of her age, her status, what power did she have? Just a simple, orphaned, probably foreign girl in a place that was _neve_ r her home. Was never going to be her home.

What else could she do except lie down and _take it_.

* * *

After that day, she had been accepted back into the group. Whilst her sensei and the twins were still incredibly hostile towards her (the twins more so than her sensei), she found that staying back and keeping quiet helped a great deal. She had also distanced herself away from her sensei a great deal too, no longer seeing him as...a potential father figure. He didn't seem to mind, nor made any comment about it whatsoever.

As expected.

She actively stayed away from Naruto as well. Sometimes she would see him around the Academy when her class would pass by his or during lunch periods. This time, the situation was reversed. She would always stare at _him_ , analyzing _him_. And whenever he happened to catch her eye, he would give her the weirdest looks. Slightly hostile, slightly weirded out, slightly curious. It killed her. They never talked after that incident, both actively keeping their distance.

As expected.

But months passed and she slowly started getting used to the routine of waking up early to feed and distribute medicine to her mother. Then going to her Academy classes. After, she would make a short trip home to escort her poor mother to her daily clinic sessions, then spend the rest of the day training with her teammates and Asui-sensei. It was calm. A relief almost. But, she knew. The air was dense and she could hear past the hushed voices of the civilians and the passing ninjas. It was the calm before the storm.

Her thoughts suddenly drifted to Four.

She hadn't heard from him in months.

* * *

Her place in the weird dynamic of her teams was set in stone and clear cut. She would stand behind Haruhiro and Haruhiko, exactly 8 feet away, and strain to hear Asui-sensei's daily lessons. She would never dare to ask questions, lest the twins turn to her and make comments, making her feel _lowly._ No, any questions she had, she would figure out through trial and error, or reading up in the library, or asking her sensei in the Academy. Ever since she made it back into her team, she swore to herself never to seem weak in their eyes. Even when she would constantly get pummeled into the ground by Haruhiko or Haruhiro, even when then taunted her to cry, she would never. She saved her tears and cries of pain for when she was in solitude. In the safety and comfort of her own room. Then she could be weak.

The same would be said about her mother. Even now, when her mother barely spoke or looked at her, she would always give off the impression of the successful, motive driven kunoichi that her mother dreams of. Asui-sensei didn't come to their home anymore to give reports (she assumed he was weirded out by her near catatonic mother), but she would relay those reports to her mother. And even if she never responded back, her mother would turn her head to her silently, then look away. And she knew...Roku knew..deep down inside…

Maybe she was a bit proud of her.

As long as she could keep up the impression that, outside at least, she was somewhat successful, somewhat strong, she believed that she could survive. She believed that she could make those around her happy.

 _She wondered if she was the only child in this village stuck in this endless cycle._

* * *

It was a cold day in Konohagakure.

Not physically. She could feel the heat of the summer sun on her forehead. But the air was even denser than before, and the whispers of the people around her were getting louder and louder. She hadn't even seen Asui-sensei for two weeks. The brothers themselves were getting anxious as well.

"Hey, Haruhiko...ya feel that?" Haruhiko only nodded his head. The twins both paused their training sessions and turned to Roku, who was resting under the sweltering sun. They both walked over and stood over her, effectively blocking out the sun rays. Grabbing her toned arms and forcing her to stand, they started to integrate her.

"Where is Asui-sensei."

It wasn't even a question.

She looked nervously between both the brothers. She didn't want to give off the impression that she was scared of them, but it was probably the most obvious thing in the world at this point.

"Why...why would I know? I've..been wondering the same thing."

The boys only rolled their eyes before pushing her further.

"We know that you're the closest to him. We used to see him make stops at your home all the time. Now, tell us where he is."

They thought she was the closest to Asui-sensei? _Strange_ she thought. It had been a year since she had been let back into the team and Asui-sensei had only made one or two stops at her home since. Compared to the almost weekly visits last year, it was a dramatic change. She barely even spoke to her sensei now these days. But the twins still thought she was closest to him.

She could almost blush. ' _Is...is this a compliment?'_

A sharp slap on her arm brought her back for her daydreams. The twins were looking at her with a fierce and annoyed look.

"Well?"

She swallowed the anxiety down. "How would I know? I haven't spoken to Asui-sensei in months outside training days. Maybe he's on a mission or something."

The twins roughly let go of her. She stumbled a bit before she caught herself. They turned to look at each other with a thoughtful look on their face. "Well, Asui-sensei always tells us about missions before he goes on them, so we know not to show up. It can't be that."

She turned away from them. "Well...maybe it was last minute."

Haruhiro scoffed. "Asui-sensei ALWAYS tells us about his missions, no matter how last minute they are. He would have sent a summon or a colleague or _something_. He wouldn't just leave us in the dust."

' _He would leave me in the dust.'_

"Listen...Why don't we just go over to the Hokage and ask him where he is. Simple. He's bound to know for sure."

Haruhiro laughed a sarcastic laugh before grabbing his brother's arm and stepping back. "Are you kidding me? I mean, I care _sorta_ what Asui-sensei is doing. But I've sat here for 2 hours and he hasn't shown up yet. Sounds like a free day to me." They turned towards the exit of the training grounds.

"Wait! What if sensei comes back? What are you gonna say? You can't just ditch."

Haruhiko had already left the training grounds. Haruhiro turned back to look at her with a frown. "Oh fuck off Roku. He's not coming. You can stay here but we are going home."

They left. She stared at the exit of the training grounds with her jaw practically on the ground.

' _He...told me to fuck off…'_

She wouldn't leave. On the chance that sensei would make an appearance, she wouldn't want to be caught in his wrath when he saw nobody there. In fact, she would have a field day watching sensei tell off the twins when he noticed she was the only one who showed up.

' _He's just running late. I'll just finish up some homework whilst he's gone. Yeah...that sounds like a plan.'_

She didn't know at the time. But a tragedy was about to begin, only halfway across the village.

* * *

When she awoke, she noticed that the sky was pitch black and she had fallen asleep on her homework and books. The training grounds were empty, without any sign of anyone being there except herself. And most importantly, Asui-sensei wasn't there.

She groaned as she put her books inside her bag. She felt incredibly foolish. She thought that if she stayed until her sensei made his appearance, he would be somewhat proud of her determination and dedication to learn. But just like the twins had said, their sensei wasn't coming, and she felt foolish for not believing such a simple truth.

She almost tripped in her hurry to leave the training grounds, quick to leave the place of her humiliation. From the night sky to the barren streets, it was very late at night, probably past midnight. She swallowed her fear and picked up her feet to run faster, eager to arrive home.

Perhaps to the other civilians of the village, there was nothing to fear. The night shift ninjas and more experienced civilians were there to protect them from all harm, as they had done since the creation of the village. But to her, she feared one of the more courageous civilians would snatch her up and dump her lifeless and abused body outside the village. She heard about things like that happening in other villages. Unwanted foreigners ruining the "peaceful" dynamic of the village would somehow disappear, never to be heard from again. That, or would be run back into their destitute homes, never to be heard or seen from again.

That's what they did to her mother at least.

And although her mother wouldn't give her hell if she came home late (she wouldn't bother getting up from her bed to do anything of the sort), she still ran. Down the roads and allies, and slopes and stairs, she was booking it. It was only until she ran into another person and was unceremoniously thrown down to the ground did she stop.

She scrambled back and looked at the person. An ANBU officer and a group of other officers had appeared before her, looking down on her.

"What are you doing out here kid? Didn't you hear the news?"

She was too startled to speak.

The officer that she had run into turned to speak to their teammates, whispering something too low for her to hear, before she saw them disappear before her eyes. Once they were gone, the officer picked her up off the grounds and started walking.

"You're Takada-san's daughter, right? I know your face. I'll walk you home."

The grip on her arm was tight and slightly picked her up off the ground, so that only the tips of her feet helped her walk. They moved fast, moving into the more run-down parts of the village where she and her mother lived. It was only when they arrived at her front door did the ninja finally let her go.

"A 7 PM mandatory curfew was issued out hours ago. You should have already been inside your home." The ANBU knocked on her door, calling out.

"Takada-san! I have your daughter with me. Please open the door." The ANBU reached into their hip pouch, pulling out a small top-bound notebook. She winced at the sight.

' _Damn! A ticket...'_

She cleared her throat before she spoke. "I had fallen asleep on the training grounds officer. I didn't hear the alert because of it. Please understand! If I had heard then I would have been home."

Even though she couldn't see the officer's face, she knew he was looking at her in the wrong way. They tilted their head to her slightly before knocking on the door again.

"Takada-san!"

She flinched at the loud voice, before opening her mouth again.

"Did...something happen? What was a curfew called for? It has been feeling a bit off in the village these days...did someone break in or something?"

They knocked harder on her door, nearly screaming out for her mother.

"TAKADA-SAN!"

She stepped back. ' _This guy...is not cool...'_

"She won't answer the door! She's catatonic! She can't even stand by herself!"

The ANBU turned to her with a huff before scribbling something down on their notepad. They ripped out the paper and handed it to her.

"Listen here coal-face, did you purposefully keep me here to waste my time? There are a lot more serious things I could be doing than handing out tickets! Think about that next time you wanna hold up important people's time!" They disappeared in a cloud of smoke, leaving no trace that they were even there.

' _...coal-face?...'_

She slipped into her apartment after fishing out the key from under the welcome mat. She was startled to see her mother curled up on the floor beside the couch. Sighing, she placed her bag and ticket on the ground before slowly approaching her.

"Mother?"

Immediately. " _Mother..."_

"Mother. You should be in your-"

" _motheryoushouldbeinyour..."_

She sighed again, and that sigh was copied as well. She grabbed her mother's arms and slowly lifted her to a standing position. She was thankful that her mother never resisted her physical attempts to move her. Gently, she guided her back to her room, making her sit on the bed before moving to put on her night socks.

Her mother made many attempts to take off her socks and move around, but Roku would gently maneuver her back to the bed. She moved to grab the medicine in the drawers, taking a dose and feeding it to her. She waited beside her until the medicine kicked in. She fell asleep where she sat, not even bothering to move into the bed. Roku helped her under the covers.

It pained her to look at her mother. She knew it shouldn't. She had grown a sort of animosity towards her mother. She would never show it to her when she was around, but when she was alone in her room and the safety of her own mind, she would curse her mother to oblivion. Curse her for bringing her into an incomplete family. Curse her for making her do her bidding. Curse her for not being a normal mother.

She turned to leave the room in a hurry, not wanting to see the pathetic sight that was her mother.

—

She had gotten the notice the next day that training was canceled. She was relieved. She didn't wanna see the twins after what happened yesterday. Her humiliation was still fresh in her mind.

The walk to the Academy was...odd. The village was hushed. Quite. Barely anyone was out and the only people who were, were kids like her going to Academy, or old folks on their daily walk. Other than that, it seemed like everyone had shut themselves into their homes, and only made themselves known by the rustling of window covers and peeking eyes through blinds.

When she had entered her classroom, she found that her usual loud class was hushed. Covered mouths and eyes turned downward. She moved to her seat on the side of the classroom and quietly pulled out her notebooks. Her curiosity was insurmountable, even more so than last night when she had her encounter with that ANBU officer.

' _What...happened last night? Why don't I know about it yet?'_

Needless to say, her curiosity was soon quenched when her sensei started the class and announced the news. She was the only one who gasped. It was old news to the rest of her classmates.

' _An entire clan...gone...?'_

The news was shocking. She had never heard about entire clans being killed off, which she was surprised to find out happened often. But the clan that it had happened to, the Uchiha, was known to be powerful. ' _How could a powerful clan like the Uchiha be killed off in just one night? Just like that? And by a member of their own clan? And not just any member...but the damn heir?'_ It sounded like something out of a drama movie. Something fictional. It sounded so ridiculous. But it was true. Undeniably true.

' _Rotten…'_

Her sixth sense was tingling again. ' _It all smells so rotten…'_

Hearing about this news angered her beyond belief. She didn't understand why. It all sounded so obvious. Did they really expect her to believe that a well known and powerful member of an equally powerful clan had randomly killed off their entire clan because of some unknown reason? That it had been some sort of planned out attack created solely by the murderer? If living in this village for 7 years had taught her anything, is that the police and ninja system was so well woven in the fabric of the Hidden Leaf Villages dynamic, then nothing like a mass murder would pass by unknowingly under its nose.

' _Rotten…'_

If her teachers and fellow ninja _really_ expected her to believe that something like this was just some unfortunate tragedy, they had another thing coming. She was angry. Very much so. Innocent lives were taken in a heartbeat for _someone's_ agenda. But most of all, she felt a bottomless fear.

If the village was ok with knowing about the murder of an entire clan (assuming that her theory was right), then what would stop them from taking _her_ out. She was foreign, a nuisance to the civilians, unliked and unwelcomed anywhere. To keep the peace of the village, would they take her out? Would she wake up one night to find a soulless ANBU officer on top of her, kunai to her neck, ready to take her out?

She clenched her fist at the thought. She could only imagine what she looked like to her classmates. Sweating bullets, shacking. They could probably hear her erratic heartbeat.

' _They'll kill me…'_

' _They'll kill me one day…'_

She nervously lifted her head to look around the already busy classroom. A bitter taste filled her mouth. They had already started their classwork, the grim topic already forgotten in their heads. She even saw a small group of girls laugh at a joke one of the boys made.

' _Look at them…'_

Only one thought filled her mind. It was a treasonous thought, but a true and honest thought nonetheless. Her fellow classmates were trying to reach the same goal as her. To become a powerful, respected member of not just society, but the ninja world as a whole. To become heroes in the eyes of the civilians, the very same civilians that would look at her with eyes of _hatred_ and _suspicion._ She wasn't motivated by the same ideals as them.

' _What is being a shinobi about anyways?'_ , she thought. Ultimately, it was to protect the citizens of one's village from external and internal forces. But if the citizens of her village looked at her with animosity, why should she feel compelled to protect them? And also, if the village _itself_ can't be trusted to protect its own citizens, or actively harm their citizens for unknown gains, why should she continue to do what she does currently? Acting as if she was doing this _for them._ For the people who hated her. For the people who would send her to her death at a moment's notice, when they would never go to such lengths for her. Why? It was such a worthless and deadly investment into a village that had never claimed her as their own.

She looked around her classroom, with only one burning thought.

' _You're all blinded…'_

' _Blinded by the Will Of Fire…'_

* * *

I...really need to get good about updating this story consistently. These month-long breaks between updates is even killing _ME._ Anyways, how did yall like it? I did go back into the other chapters just to do some editing and checks for consistency. And also, I tried to leave a super obvious hint into who four really is in his name so I hope that helps anyone who's wondering. The pairing has been decided! Although the romance will be a subplot to this story, I decided that the main love interest will be Naruto himself! There definitely isn't a lot of fanfics out there where the main love interest is naruto and I've always thought he was the cutest so why not?

But yall know the drill. Please leave as much constructive criticism in the comments as possible! I'll try to answer any questions I receive in the next chapter. Thank you and so much for the love and support!

This chapter is UNEDITED.


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